From Aug 5, 2007 (Originally entitled I *%$ing hate that Vol. 6)
Amalgamating songs. Who comes up with this shit?
Amalgamating songs. Who comes up with this shit?
A few years ago, I nearly bled to death from my ears, repeatedly, when I heard on the radio this most horrific remix of a new Green Day single edited to accommodate alternating segments of an Aerosmith classic. As much affection as I hold for Green Day, I did not care for this new single, if for no other reason because of being exhausted from constant on-air play. As much respect for Aerosmith as I hold for their longevity, this classic didn't happen to be one of my favorites either.
So that was bad enough. I thought that the combined content of the songs being used at least, perhaps, presented some sort of common unified message of holding out hope for the future. Could be except that, if you can survive listening through the whole atrocity of sound, out of nowhere comes a deplorable sampling of an all but forgotten Oasis single from 1996. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea under what name this freakish experiment went, so for argument sake we'll just call it "Offensive and insulting statement to creativity constructed in inexplicably poor taste." Fortunately in time, its inexplicable popularity waned and I was spared the necessity of reaching for the nearest plastic spoon with the feverish intent of manically digging into my ear canals in order to mercifully finish what task the radio had begun. That was until tonight.
Riding home on I-44 as I often do, I'm changing the radio stations and I think I'm picking up on a station playing The Police's "Every Breath You Take." Well, obviously I immediately get it in mind to change it again until I also hear what sounds like this year's most overplayed song so far--that Snow Patrol song (do they have another one?). For a moment I think that I must have hit the tuning button and that the radio's caught in between channels picking up both. Now this I know would be something I need to rectify quickly because now I've got two songs that have already won the Jeeper grammy for most effective nerve grating nearly twenty-five years apart--no small feat.
Only it's not two separate stations. No, in fact it is one music station playing this newest of horrifically crafted atrocities, released for absolutely no other purpose which I can conceive of other than to force me into autovehicular suicide on the freeway while I'm out enjoying an otherwise pleasant Sunday evening drive.
Now, please don't misunderstand: I am all for tackiness. But it has to be for the sake of tackiness. If whoever committed this criminal exploitation against freedom of expression did it for the explicit purposes of being tacky, then kudos all around. But I have my doubts. I think whoever did this thought they were one profound motherfucking genius. Be it for art or commerce, I think this person took this project seriously.
There is a clinical term for this in my field and we call it "crazy." Possibly "evil." And crazy must be stopped in all its many forms.
Autobots...roll out.
